When Every Difference Demands Its Own Doll

What Autistic Barbie tells us about our fragmented society

In a deeply compassionate and not at all mercenary attempt to pick the pockets of the already befuddled Gen Alpha, Mattel today launched ‘Autistic’ Barbie. Coming barely six months after its doll with type 1 diabetes ; complete with continuous glucose monitor and insulin pump, this newest addition to Barbie’s Fashionistas range is designed so that more children “see themselves in Barbie”.

“So what makes this doll Autistic?” you may well ask.

Well.. her eyes gaze slightly to one side as she struggles to make eye contact. She has fully bendable elbows and wrists, enabling repetitive physical movements such as stimming and hand-flapping. She has a fidget spinner on her finger that helps increase the cost reduce stress, wears noise-cancelling headphones to defend against sensory overload, carries a tablet with symbol-based alternative communication buttons on its screen to help her cope with everyday communication, and has a fully up to date vaccination record.

Barbie also wears a loose-fitting outfit to minimise fabric-to-skin contact, and purple shoes with flat soles to promote stability and ease of movement, great for spinning in circles.

A spokesperson for Mattel said that she hoped the new Barbie would challenge some of the misconceptions around autism and enable her to purchase the 60 metre MegaYacht she’s had her eye on since diabetes Barbie got her that villa in St. Barts.

I did ask if it would be possible to add Chubby Menopausal Barbie to the range. She’s going to get back to me once she’s costed the extra plastic required.

This comes just a few months after the news that people with one foot have hopped together to challenge Nike, Adidas and Puma over their failure to make ‘single shoes’.

The BBC tells us that “beyond disability, thousands of people whose feet are different sizes are also affected by having to buy two shoes of the same size rather than two singles.”

We think we live in a just world, but all this time, people with one foot slightly smaller than the other have been suffering the tragedy of paying full price for two shoes, when only one fits comfortably. I think it’s high time we hashtagged the issues #oddfootedpeoplematter #plasticdollsarepeopletoo

A strange approximation of me took to the streets and asked some people what they thought of all this.

“I’m getting sterilised” said one woman “because it would be too cruel to bring a child into this world”

“Even if it had matching feet?” I asked. She walked away angrily, but swiftly, in well fitting shoes.